Baldur, brightest God, was dead. Wergild demands a price. Hodur was clearly to blame, after all, he was blind, could not see the sign, and forgot to wash his hands before handling the mistletoe arrow. The mistletoe arrow had come into contact with a Coof-Barer 9 times removed. Somebody knew somebody with an uncle whose fifth cousin kissed a girl that knew a guy that had a weepy eyeball. Hodur had to die. So the Gods stuffed his mouth full of paper mache masques and lit his mouth on fire. Very sanitary, and in full agreement with CDC guidelines.
It wasn’t enough. The Völvar all said because he had been struck low in the Coof Age before the Bloody Stool Age, that the arrow piercing his heart was a comorbidity and CoVAIDS was the real killer. Just like when a drunk Mexican commits vehicular manslaughter against the Vanir’s daughters, the real enemy is Æsir privilege. Still. Frigga had to be sure. Because she was a liberated woman she had no reason to believe her All-Wise husband who insisted Loki did it. Nonsense. Loki was wearing his mask!! In fact, it was Loki who saved Asgard by bringing cheaply made Chinese masks from Jotunheim. Masks which ordinarily can’t save you from the gas passed by the big lady ahead of you in line, sawdust, mortar or *anything* but because of Dwarven enchantment give you +666% Doom Coof shielding and NOTHING else.
“Who would seek for my favour?”the great Goddess cried. “Oh! I would,” Hermod replied. “Ah, very good then! Off with you!”
Before he left, Odin pulled Hermod aside. “Do you believe you can see what I cannot?” “Natürlich, ” Hermod had baulked, “you’re a cis-male with White privilege, that’s why you’re blind.” “Well, actually, I believe in hard work and sacrifice but… Forget it, take my Horse Sleipnir. May the wind be at your back.”
After a harrowing journey of 9 nights without latte because of safe social distance practise, and 18 skinned knees because he had been sheltered, Hermod arrived at the bridge before the Helgrind.
“HALT!” Modgud said. “Where is your mask?”
“Put on the MASK , Bigot.”
“Don’t want these comorbidity cases getting sick. We have free masks for customer’s to Helheim.”
Hermod dismounted Sleipnir and stepped forward. Modgud began pelting him with rocks. Hermod screamed in pain. “SIX FEET, FREEDOM SCUM!!!” Modgud shrieked.
And that is why Baldur remained in Helheim, and why we are all in Hell.